Greetings for the start of a fresh school year, possibly at a new educational institution. During the summer, there were news reports about parents engaging in fierce arguments with schools over matters such as the price of meals or disappointing outcomes. As headteachers, we strive to foster positive relationships with all families. Yet, on occasion, we observe the repercussions of unwise parenting. When we see children exhibiting signs of anxiety or challenging behaviour, we can often trace the origin back to their upbringing. Therefore, on behalf of schools and children, I wish to offer some suggestions to parents regarding how to parent properly.
To start, it is important to note that your children love you and view you as an example to follow. Your actions can influence their behaviour, so it is crucial that you set a positive example. Behaving aggressively in public, be it on the street or in a car park, may reflect in your children’s behaviour towards their teachers, classmates, and even yourself. At school, we strive to instil values of good manners and consideration. Hence, if your child swears at their peers, it is not something they learned from us.
It is crucial that you demonstrate that you care for your children. This goes beyond saying "I love you" frequently. When you pick up your 11-year-old from school, for instance, put your phone away and listen to her. Inquire about how her day went, celebrate her achievements, and encourage her when she faces difficulties. Knowing that she is treasured by you will help her perform better academically.
One of the most fundamental aspects of your child’s wellbeing is sleep. Ensuring that he goes to bed at a suitable time is vital, and removing devices from the bedroom helps him unwind. Avoid buying your child the latest Xbox or PlayStation game a week before his exams, as this could cause him to stay up all night playing it and subsequently perform poorly in school.
Feeding your child well also plays a key role in his education. Young children are more likely to explore new foods if such experimentation is the norm at home. Breakfast on school days is essential, and nutritious snacks and hydration throughout the day are crucial. A balanced and nutritious lunch is a must. Giving your child a few pounds to buy food on the way to school is not a good idea, as chips or crisps do not count as a meal. If your child tells you that she is not hungry, contact the school to investigate further, as this may indicate a problem.
At times, things may not go as planned. It is important to communicate effectively and promptly with the school if you have any concerns. However, please note that teachers may not be able to respond right away, as their main focus is on teaching your children. Yelling down the phone or causing a scene in the reception area is not helpful. We are here to help and put things right, but please understand that your issue may not be the most pressing one at that moment.
Unfortunately, bullying is a reality in schools, and your child may experience it at some point. This does not imply that the school is unsafe. Children can be unkind to one another, and it is not advisable to retaliate on behalf of your child by threatening the other child’s parents. Instead, reassure your child and help the school resolve the issue by bringing both children into the same room. Encourage your child to be kind and to forgive, even if they believe they were entirely innocent. Additionally, encourage them to stand up for their friends.
Do not believe everything your child tells you about school, even if their accounts are supported by others. Children are adept at manipulating their parents, so it is advisable to obtain the facts from the school rather than exploding in rage. Making threats against the school will only complicate matters and make it harder to manage a child’s behaviour in the future.
Finally, it is unwise to speak negatively about schools on social media. Such posts tend to exacerbate issues and may escalate into threats or violence. Moreover, they can divide the home and school environments, which is unhelpful in resolving conflicts. Do not comment on threads initiated by other parents or children, as it may negatively affect your credibility.
If you choose to support your child’s refusal to complete homework, if you disregard the teacher’s observations about their in-class behavior, if you make excuses for their actions or lack thereof, then this approach may eventually lead to negative consequences. Your child may develop a habit of disregarding responsibilities at home as well. It is unlikely that they will suddenly develop a strong work ethic when it is time for them to take important examinations like GCSEs or A-levels. Therefore, from the beginning, it is important to work collaboratively with the school and encourage good study habits in your child, even if they don’t particularly enjoy it and even if it is challenging for you. The effort is worthwhile.
It is important to note that the school does not intend to single out any particular student for special attention. This collaborative partnership between educators and parents/guardians is valued and vital for the success of the student.
